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A shift in thinking is needed when working alongside those diagnosed with FASD. Because of their brain-based differences, many typical behaviour management strategies won’t have a positive effect. Tamariki and rangatahi with FASD find it very difficult to learn from consequences, so sending them to their room or taking away a privilege will not have an impact on the child’s behaviour – in fact it is likely to compound the problem by adding to trauma and reinforcing negative self-image for them.
Memory in those with FASD is almost always severely impacted, so what they learn one day may be completely forgotten the next. Executive function is affected, so the brain function required to do simple things like getting up and getting ready for school can require much more focus and energy than a neurotypical child – it's exhausting!
• Watch this short video by Dr Vanessa Spiller of Jumpstart Psychology in Australia to understand how hard simply leaving the house journey can be for a child with FASD.
• A webinar presented by our Auckland navigator Anna Gundesen, 'Trying Differently Rather than Harder' outlines key points in understanding how a child's brain works and gives some helpful strategies. Click here to go to our webinar recordings page (you may like to begin with 'FASD: The Basics' webinar on the same page).
• Other excellent resources on understanding FASD as a brain-based disability can be found on Eileen Devine's website. Eileen is a trainer and parenting coach - and a parent of a child with FASD herself. She believes that when we understand the way a child's brain works, we can begin understand the meaning behind challenging behaviours – and positive shifts in the parent-child relationship can occur.
This is a brain-based, invisible, physical disability and is NOT intentional behaviour. The shift is from seeing a child as one who won’t do something to one who can’t - yet.
Try and shift your understanding about the behavioural symptoms you see in your child from:
Bad --> Frustrated, defensive, challenged
Lazy --> Trying hard
Lying --> Confabulates, tells you what they think you want to hear
Doesn't try --> Exhausted or can't start
Mean --> Defensive, hurt, abused
Doesn't care, shut down --> Can't show feelings
Refuses to sit still --> Overstimulated
Fussy, demanding --> Oversensitive
Resisting --> Doesn't get it
Trying to make me mad --> Can't remember
Trying to get attention --> Needing contact, support
Acting like a baby --> Dysmaturity
Steals --> Doesn't understand ownership
Doesn't try --> Worried about failing
Inappropriate --> Doesn't understand personal space
Parents, caregivers, teachers or others working with children diagnosed under FASD often take their behaviours personally and forget that the child is often confused, scared and not feeling good about themselves. It is important as a support person to try and shift your feelings from:
Hopelessness --> Hopeful
Fear --> Understanding, knowledge through upskilling
Chaos, confusion --> Organisation, meaningfulness
Anger --> Reframing perceptions, defusing
Power struggles --> Working with, rather than against
Frustration --> Trying differently, not harder
Exhaustion --> Re-engergised, new options to try
No good outcomes --> Seeing and supporting strengths
Isolation --> Networking, collaboration
Traditional behaviour management --> Recognising brain differences
Applying consequences --> Preventing problems
Traditional interventions --> Expanding professional options, creating a toolkit of individualised strategies
Changing people --> Developing effective strategies, changing environments
The above is adapted from 'Trying Differently Rather Than Trying Harder', by Diane Malbin.
